An Honest Account Of MyTeenage Life

Its all kicked off.

My parents and my brother keep ganging up on me.

Well in actually fact me and my stepdad fall out, and then he convinces my mum its my fault.

Cos my stepdad is in my opinion a pathetic excuse for a man.

He actually slags me off.

As in full on bitches about me.

And he is the most childish pathetic man i have ever met.

Ultimately he hates me because i hate his daughter, and always have, and now that she gone off the wall and had a kid which has been taken away and shes addicted to heroin, he has a go at me so that he can vent his upset and annoyance at me being right, at me.

So yesterday, when I had an argument with my mum, how could he resist getting involved?

And when i apoligised to both of them - someones gotta be the mature one - imagine my surprise when he threw yesterdays argument at me five minutes ago.

Right now I'm honestly livid, he makes me so angry I actually want to smack him in the face.

Hes that aggravating type of arguer, who will mock you because he hasnt got the sense to think of a better argument.

I give my oath here and now, that next year I shall move out when i go to college, else he will move out in a bodybag.

To the smell of steak and kidney pie.

Been sick twice.

Kidney is the most grotesque tasting/smelling thing I've ever had the misfortune to come across.

But unfortunately my parents do not see it that way.

So whilst i'm recovering from my ordeal, I decided to put some music on and I am amazed.

Pendulum Blood Sugar, officially one of the best songs I've heard in a long time.

I cannot believe what I've beeen missing out on all them times I switched off Kerrang and watched Kiss.

YAY!

Not that i've ever celebrated it before but my brother and sister in law are throwing a halloween party, and it gives everyone the excuse to dress up.

I searched for hours looking for a good costume idea, and i have indeed decided to go as the snow queen, a personal nickname, i obtained because of my cutting remarks. I've ordered a white wig off ebay, and making the dress out of a white crushed velvet table cloth we have.

Green aren't I? Recycling and all that

I might buy some lace though to adorn over my outfit and some pale blue dye to give that icy effect.

My brother J is going as Aladdin. My 16 nearly 17 year old brother.
How depressing.

Mum and A gave me a camcorder yesterday, which is 15 years old.

I could sell it for about 20 quid on ebay but that takes too much effort.

But anyhow, I rewound the tapes, and the first tape was excruciating to watch.

Back in the day in year 6, my friend Tallgirl and I sang at our schools summer fete.

Singing Britney Spears.

In front of all our peers and teachers.

And let me tell you this - it is bad.

I seemed to think i looked stylish in my polkadot 2 piece set, complete with ra-ra skirt and over the knee platform heels.

Throwback or what.

Towering over me was TallGirl, 5 ft 7 at 11 years old, and boy did she get stagefright.

The first song, Everytime, was mainly performed by me as TallGirl shoved the microphone in my face halfway through her verses, and i sang my little 4 ft nothing lungs out, fortunately in tune.

This torture went on for almost 4 minutes and then we ( I ) went on to sing Overprotected complete with a pathetic dance routine, while another friend of ours danced in the back round.

The applause would have been pitiful if it wasn't for the fact that our classmates cried louder than anyone, and my family - more like a tribe - contributed to the applause.

And i watched all this at 11 o clock last night.

And then i wondered why I didn't get any sleep.

I see the agony she goes through every day, I help her manage the cocktail of drugs she has to take for the pain, and the spasms, and the shakes.

Every once in a while i come downstairs to find my mum in bed not able to get up because her legs will not work, and i then have to manipulate the muscles in her legs to get them working.

My mum is the strongest person I know.

And yes, I agree with assisted suicide, because I am not selfish enough to keep someone alive, who is begging to die because the pain and humiliation is to much,  because I dont want them to die.

Its easy enough to say I disagree with assisted suicide if you don't have first hand experience with someone with a crippling disease.

My mum always says " I'd much rather be remembered for the happy memories, than the memories of my life wasting away."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7644094.stm

I vaguely remember telling her not to buy something, because it was hideous, and then her getting in a sulk about it. And i'm not being disrespectful because mental age wise, she is about 13.

But anyway moving on

Yesterday i finished a piece of artwork that I've been working on for a while <---

Today I've gotta go meet my drug addict Ex.
And i don't mean he smokes the waccy baccy, I mean hes pretty bad.

He rang me yesterday, after a couple of months of no contact.

"Chicago, come meet me. I need to talk to someone. everythings fked up, people are after me cos i owe them money, i'm homeless e.tc"

" I know its all a bit fked up"

" Yeah really? God i really wanna slap you right now.Hard."

" Well you can slap me tomorrow, when you come meet me?"

" Alright, but i'll only meet you if your clean. I'll ring you tomorrow."

I put the phone down, and sank onto my bed in utter disbelief that i would be going through this again, and it occured to me.

You cant help people who don't want to be helped.